This post is prompted by one of my biggest problems that I have faced as an adult. Being in the midst of economic ruin, and at a young age, I feel the need to call up this issue as one of the first and foremost topics of discussion on my newly blazed trail to speak out on my experiences. I am considering filing for bankruptcy, which I hear is quite common for people with my/our condition, and I am having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that my life is more restricted than it has ever been. Freedom is at an absolute bottom as I find that I can barely make the most basic bills because of my whimsical binge-spending.
My temptation has always been credit. For that matter, anything that is unsecured where I don't have anything on the line (immediately) or where there is a delayed penalty for getting something right away – that is my temptation. I should have known that getting a credit card was a bad idea in the first place. In fact, I should really never have dealt with anything that wasn't pre-paid (electricity may be an exception). What started out as a simple skipping a payment to make sure I had enough money for something else (usually unimportant) every now and again has turned into a visit to three separate payday loan stores every two weeks when I get paid, creditors and collection agencies calling repeatedly and at inconvenient times, multiple garnishments in the same year and they're not over yet, etc., etc., etc. I am in a situation where I really should have filed for bankruptcy over a year ago and cannot come up with the means ($600 - $1500) for a attorney to handle my case for me.
MONEY AND DEPRESSION
I could go on and on about how destitute my money problems make me feel, which is why I gave this piece its own subtitle. Rather than focus on how awful it makes me feel to know how few options I have, however, it should be noted that this is a recognized phenomenon in groups familiar with bipolar disorder. Large environmental stressors obviously play a large role in switching someone from one side of the mood spectrum to the other. It can happen during a manic or a depressive episode. A manic often is overconfident in their life situation and will overspend as a result. A depressed individual can overspend to try and compensate for negative feelings – as a mode of comfort. Overspending is one of the first things that I have been asked about when the bipolar conversation has come up with psychiatrists and I always have to secede that I definitely overspend. It's not just a matter of spending more than I have, however – it is maxing out cards, taking out payday loans, borrowing from people, and then finding that I am unable to pay them all back when I am done thinking that my money situation is fine (when I stop being manic). Once I realize how much of a mess I've made, I immediate become worried, anxious, and depressed because I have dug such a deep hole that there is no getting out of it.
This, of course, is the very mindset of thinking that accompanies most depression – low self-esteem, thinking that no solution exists, and that everything is globally bad from the perspective of your life. I can feel that I am falling into that mode as of late and it makes me nervous. I have begun a slow titration of a new drug (new for me) called Lamictal. It's suppose to have the largest anti-depressant effect of all the mood stabilizers, so I am hopeful that I will be able to stave off those feelings.
I'll be updating on this subject, regularly, because I think there is a huge link between money issues and depression/bipolar. Moreover, I will have plenty of material as I have only just begun to look into the proceedings of bankruptcy (just now looking for a attorney). I'm sure there are plenty of stressors awaiting that will undoubtedly have some unexpected effects on my mood. Too bad Lamictal takes so long to start working…
More on this later. Be sure to come back with Barely Bipolar as I will definitely have more on the subject of money issues and bipolar disorder.
-Tiesto-
I have been living with bipolar for most of my adult life. I hope to open up to a broad audience of folks who have experiences such as I have. Please take a look at a href=http://barelybipolar.blogspot.com>Barely Bipolar for more great content.
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